For the umpteenth time, I heard someone pose a question that seems to be as debated as what is the meaning of life or how did 11 out of 12 footballs lose pressure before the playoff game between the Colts and Patriots. This response may not answer the question, but maybe it will give a number of people out there food for thought, something to at least mull over before asking the question openly.

The question that a lot of people wonder about, debate and argue about is . . . why can black people call each other nigger (or nigga) and other people can’t?

The next time you think about this question I want you to do something. Go to your mother, your sister or your wife, look at them with all the innocence that you can muster, and call them a slut, bitch or whore. Say any of the words with gusto, with pride, with shame, however you want to do it but say one of those words to them.

What do you think the response will be?

You could get a peck on the cheek, a dismissive glare, a spanking (good or bad), a shiv in the back when you least expect it or any number of responses could occur. A lot will deal with the relationship and the perception the wife, sister or mother has of you.

Once you have recovered from saying the word to someone you know, think about all the times you have heard any of those words. You know you’ve heard them in public. Go to any club on a weekend and in one instance you can hear two women call each other bitches and it’s all hugs and friendly chumminess. In another context the same word could cause a bar clearing brawl worthy of reality TV. If you went to a bar and called anyone a bitch, slut or whore, what would be the response?

You don’t know what it might be.

I was listening to the Stephanie Miller show when I heard this man struggling to put into words his confusion about black people being able to say nigger while white people couldn’t. The irony to me was the show he was calling into repeatedly has the host and her producer throwing out the words slut, whore and bitch to each other. Some of the guests routinely call the host a slut or a whore, as do some callers. On their afterhour’s podcast, worse words are thrown about. No fighting happens and no hurt feelings occur. All participants in the moment of the show understand what is being said isn’t meant to be malicious. It is meant for good humor.

I would tend to suspect if the host or producer were out and about in town and someone decided to call them a slut, whore or a bitch, things might be a little different. The reason might be they aren’t in the show element. Being called something outside of the environment, it would be difficult to gauge what the intent of the word was. Could they be a fan being too familiar? Could they be saying it because they felt slighted about something?  Without knowing the mindset of the person uttering the statement it can be confusing to know how to respond.

One issue that seems to confuse people more about the nigger debate is when some will say that rappers use the term all the time, o it must be OK to say or why would they say it? People torture themselves answering the question trying to distinguish between nigger and nigga, but I say screw that because that isn’t the real point in my eyes. Twenty to thirty years ago, you would rarely hear the words bitch, slut or whore uttered on TV. It was a scandal if the word was uttered on primetime soaps like Dallas or Dynasty. I remember when Lace, a miniseries that aired on ABC in 1984, got into all sorts of hot water because in advertising the show they chose to prominently promote the absolutely cheesy soap opera line uttered by Phoebe Cates. "Incidentally, which one of you bitches is my mother?"

Today you hear the words on primetime, daytime, cable, broadcast, syndication and radio. The words are everywhere, commonly used by men and women, but if not in the right context, in that complex understanding of understanding people and the environment, those words can cause pain, can start arguments and can lead to violence.

No one calls a radio show or TV talk show wondering why they can’t say bitch, slut or whore. They don’t need permission to use the words but I would say, or I would like to think, that people know when to say the word in context.

If people would apply the same to the use of the N word, I believe the question of who can and can’t use the word wouldn’t be asked.