I try not to post anything too personal on social media. Sure, there are some days when I’ll let some personal information go out, but I keep my personal persona shielded from online folks. Part of why I do it is for simple protection. I don’t need potential thieves knowing when I’m away from home. I don’t need potential thieves knowing where I live, which is probably more important. The main reason for not posting a lot of personal stuff online is I don’t want people getting mixed up in my personal drama.

People have their own personal issues and there are many ways people deal with those issues. I’m not really thinking about the extreme stuff people do to cope with the pain of life. If I put something out of a personal nature I’m probably trying to celebrate something good in my life. In a passive/aggressive way I think many people use social media to share joy or pass out blame for things that happen in their lives. No matter if the information is good or bad, the posting is used as a bit of validation for decisions that have been made.

Unfortunately, this is when social media turns out not to be too good as a positive reinforcement. Not everyone on social media thinks the same. Even among lifetime friends, there will issues where people strongly disagree. Social media doesn’t do a good job in keeping people social. The rants and flame wars that can occur because of a cross comments are crazy. I could pick any day, any week in the past few years and I will come across comments among my small circle of friends that are, in my opinion, stupid. It could be political, it could be something personal in their life, it could be as simple as oversharing information to others. I’ve done the same thing, though I have tried to restrict that type of conversation. What always happens when conflicting opinions are given is others feel the need to comment back hard.

You would think a flame war would be the worst thing that could happen in social media commentary but silence can be just as harsh. Here’s a simple example; think of when it is your birthday, you have a couple of hundred friends, and you have that nice little notice that goes out on Facebook telling all your friends when your birthday is. Woe be to you if you are the person who doesn’t sent out a birthday wish to a friends. On the opposite end, how welcome would someone feel if they only get a handful of people wishing them a happy birthday out of hundreds if not thousands of ‘friends?’

I remember a few years ago I would post articles I had written about some event, hoping my online friends would tell their friends and send them to my article. I can’t count the number of times where they haven’t, and worse they would link their friends to another person’s article with the same stance as I had made. I’ve had friends who would post links to racist articles and racists organizations, claiming ignorance even though the link was to an obvious racist website. In confronting them about the post, inevitably they would claim I should know they aren’t racist, yet that is hard to accept when their support by the link clearly shows something different. The things I really love are the people who post rants that are meant to shout about ‘being real’ but apparently are supposed to be one way conversations. If questioned about their position, they get mad. It like they cry out for help on a personal issue but really don’t want help that might put into question their life choice.

I can’t be myself on social media because people don’t want realness on social media. Look, if I were to give an opinion about something and was shouted down by people I thought were friends, yes I would be leery of giving personal information about myself as time went on. Lord knows I have hinted about posts people have made to me, how their little crusades made me feel uncomfortable, and in most cases those pleas fell on deaf ears. They either ignore them or, more realistically, they assume the post is about someone else. Complicating the matter is when someone who isn’t a target of questionable judgment assumes the comments are about them. After some time it gets too complicated to care about what people post online.

I would love it if people could be open and honest on social media but I know people really don’t want that. That’s why many folks, after making a bold statement, will add a part about disliking ‘haters’ or daring people to ‘unfriend’ if they find their comments controversial. I’ve seen some people, after making seemingly controversial comments, delete the thread entirely. You can’t expect to say something, put it online and not expect others to make comments about it, be it good or bad. Constructive criticism can make us grow as people. I know the current climate doesn’t allow for civilized discourse but we have to make an effort, in a good number of cases, to allow people the opportunity to express themselves openly and honestly.