Yesterday I tried to write. I had the music off but most of the time I stared at the blank computer page. The only thing I heard was the baby birds chirping outside my window. I didn’t feel like doing anything and by the end of the day I ended up not doing anything. Even trying to play Everquest 2 turned out to be unproductive.

I wanted to write something about the week of Boston, as I’ve decided to call it, but so much happened in the week many things slipped under the radar. Now, don’t start claiming the media if there are important events that you didn’t hear about because the news was out there, we were just riveted by other events.

That’s what the week has been for me. There was the main event that took up so much time and energy that other things slipped past me. They were events that in any other situation would have been a focus for me, but not this time. We were all Bostonians, as the saying goes. This happens to me almost every year. My birthday is April 27 and since the mid-90s, just about the time I turned 35, I’ve noticed there has been some tragic event that occurs right before by birthday. It is a reorientation moment for me because no matter how down I feel, no matter what personal issues I might be having, that event focuses me and makes me realize there are things that are much worse than whatever minor issue is going on with me.

This year was a bit of a surprise. I don’t have any major crisis issues going on in my life. Now, life isn’t milk and honey good, but all things considered I’m at a good place. I know some people who in a good place right now, or to put it more accurately they think they are in a bad place right now. They have issues going on in their lives and they are letting those issues consume them. I can see by their conversations and actions that the issues are eating them from the inside. I had a long talk with one of them last week and I think they looked at my call as some beacon of hope. I think they wanted me to come up with some words of wisdom which would make sense of their predicament.

Unfortunately I couldn’t give it to them. It wasn’t that I was trying to be cruel to them. We like to think when we get into bad situations it is someone else’s fault. We like to be cast as the victim, the innocent of the event. It was the other person or the universe that was bad to us. Oh cruel world why must I be cursed with diabetes? Why did my parents give me such unhealthy eating habits? Well, that’s a crock, ain’t it? I got diabetes because I ate food that wasn’t good for me. Evidence was out there and, if I have to put a good spin on things, right now I can manage things with pills and eating right. I’m not at the constant insulin phase. I’m not going in for weekly dialysis. While I do have some physical issues, I’m not looking at the immediate loss of my eyes, I’m not looking at the loss of limbs.

The people I know going through pain right now are in a stage where they have cast themselves as the innocent. They don’t think they have done anything wrong to cause the issues they are having right now. Listening to those people with issues of them and seeing the actions they have done, it is clear they were very much responsible for their issues. The pain in their lives is self-inflicted. Coming to terms with that and moving past it isn’t going to be easy for them as long as they look at themselves as the innocent center of the situation.

It took me a long time to take myself away from the center, and let’s be real, there are times when it is easy to blame others for situations that are partially my fault. There are times when bad things happen. We can’t blame the universe, God, the devil or crazy people in our lives. Sometimes we can’t even blame ourselves. Things just happen. How we handle adversity is up to us. Yes, I can wallow in the pain just like the best of them, but now, at some point I get tired of fighting and I try to figure out a way of fixing things. The fix doesn’t have to be permanent or durable, I just have to do something to get myself out of the bad situation. That’s when I start to heal and move on.

Of all the stuff I have seen posted about Boston this week, from both sides of the political spectrum, I saw people wanting to fit this into a neat box that would blame the other side for the tragedy. Someone doesn’t have to be crazy to blow up runners at a race, though being crazy makes it easier for others to temporarily deal with the tragedy. Just like every other tragedy we have dealt with as a nation, the first few days and weeks we are one with the victims. Everything will be flag waving, will be crowd stirring. Inevitably, some people will use the tragedy to push through their own agenda and people from the other side will push back. Sooner rather than later we will go back to our old rivalries. We will support things without being honest about who it might help and those opposed will fight against things because of blinded loyalty. Neither side will compromise because we now look at compromise as a weakness. In the end, another tragedy will come to us and we will repeat the same cycle again.

That is what is happening to the people I know going through their personal issues. They feel sorry for themselves, seeking out sympathy for others, but when it comes down to compromising and making hard decisions to stop the cycle, they won’t. The cycle has become too familiar in their lives and they are worried about what the changes will mean. What ends up happening is while they might make a minor correction now, the problem will continue to pop up. Until a real evaluation is made, until real change is achieved, they will be stuck in their cycle.