I guess this would be a clean up matter since the Senate finally decided Don't Ask Don't Tell was very stupid and it should be removed. President Obama will sign it in a few days, but there is still lingering aftermath to this stupid compromise put in by the Clinton Administration.

As usual, right wing talk show hosts don't get the point. I just heard one say that while he doesn't care if someone is gay or not, he doesn't understand why sexual orientation is something we must know. Now, while I will say I haven't heard this talk show host care if his co-workers are gay, I have heard other hosts who have, in a sense, outed board operators and staff who might be gay. It has been in jest, at least the hosts were laughing, but isn't that the issue people like David Choi have been talking about? The insinuation of being gay puts all sorts of mental images in people's head, and the person accused of being gay becomes less a person and becomes caricature and less human.

I mention Choi because the talk show host I was listening to interviewed Choi and it was fascinating because the questions focused on sex and the way his fellow workers would find out about his sexuality. It's like the host never interacted with people.

When I go to work, people don't just talk about the job. They talk about their home, social life, anything to pass the time. When people talk you learn a lot about them. Inevitably, if someone is gay and trying to hide it little things are going to slip, and slip isn't really the right word because people want to be able to talk freely but society makes some dance through hoops they shouldn't have to. There was a guy I used to work with who I think was gay. I wasn't around him long enough to know for sure, but he was very free about speaking his mind. The reason why I say I think he was gay because he never said so. All of his actions, social associations would lead one to believe he was gay, but he never said outright he was gay. As an example, he took a lot of trips to Europe that were paid for by 'older friends' (his words) and when I say lots of trips he would go for two weeks at a time about every three months. He would mention all the clubs he went to and the people he met, but he never put male or female to them. He would do a lot of clubbing in the city and he didn't have a good relationship with his parents because they didn't like 'what he did' (again his words). So while I might deduce he was gay (and believe me if you saw him, heard him you would figure he was gay) he never talked about any dates, relationships or just plain came out to confirm anything.

Now, I am happy to say no one cared and I suspect one person did know his was gay, which brings up another interesting issue. Because this person hung out with the guy, and this person lived with a homosexual couple for a time, some speculated this person was homosexual. Mind you the person was married with kids, but the assumption was if they were hanging out with someone who suspected gay they must be gay also.

This is where you get the gray hairs underwear all bunched up. This is where I think you hit the real issue at hand with so many older politicians having an issue with openly homosexual soldiers. It's not the foxhole glance they are worried about. I think the big fear is being associated as being a homosexual and the perceived issues this could have. I remember a very strange conversation I had with my father many years ago. There was something playing on the radio in the car, and it was a military thing. It might have been about David Choi because it was around the same time his issue was out there. In any case, my father, after hearing the radio story, got all upset about the gays. I didn't want to ask why but he opened up and it was shocking and funny. It seems when he was seeing my mother (before they were married) he would stay at the YMCA. On one occasion he was 'propositioned by a fag.'

Side note here: I used his actual quote to illustrate this was the first time I had heard my father use that word and it was harsh to hear him say it. The only defense I can give to him is at the time he had just had major surgery and was on pain medication, so it may have given him a looser tongue.

He said after that day, he arranged to stay at my mother's home with her parents and soon after, like a week, they got engaged. Now in my head I heard it and thought well if it wasn't for the homosexual advance I might not be here, but I didn't say it to my dad because it was something that disturbed him to the core. I have been propositioned by gay men and I've laughed it off and said I don't swing that way and all has been cool. Not only have I not thought of it as a stigma, I figure I'm attractive to someone.

I think people like my father and John McCain grew up in a time were they feared the homosexual and had the whole notion of being 'turned' by them. Think of it like the vampire metaphor in Anne Rice vampire novel. These burly men have images of lurking men in the corners changing them into something else, which I believe is very incorrect.

Where I think we have a problem is people can't be open about their relationships. It becomes uncomfortable to talk about partners or dates when the majority of people have an opposite relationship. My father and John McCain can proudly talk about their wives and children but many homosexuals feel they can't freely talk about their personal life for fear of being alienated. They have the real problem of not being able to be themselves but in the back of the minds of my father and John McCain types lurks the hoodwinked factor.

They are manly men who are slow to cry and show emotion, who will stoically protect God, family and country. They don't want people to think they are anything less than that and they feel being associated with homosexuals makes them less than me. It's a silly assumption but I have to keep remembering that if this had been maybe 40-50 years ago, someone like McCain would have used the same arguments to disallow someone like my father to serve in an integrated military. I'm not going to get into a debate about which minority has been more oppressed but McCain is using the same formula on a different subject. We can't change the status during war time. We need to talk to the troops about this. We can't ruin moral. These were things said to stop integration of the military. I would say all things considered it has gone OK.

Don't Ask Don't Tell is almost over. It is a time to be happy. People like John McCain have to get over their prejudices.

 

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Do Ask Do Tell - December 19, 2010
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