I'm supposed to be thankful because I have a job. I look at the unemployment numbers, I see people who are out of work and because of this I'm supposed to feel grateful for the job I have because … well because I have a job.

I guess the thing I'm running up against is trying to be happy in a job that isn't satisfying. I just got the full statement from my earnings last year and I made a good bit of money. I'm not in Donald Trump territory, but it was, by all accounts, a good living. I don't feel happy about it.

I'm not someone who likes to think about making goals or getting revenue in, but that has been the emphasis the past few months at work. I certainly understand it however when you are constantly reminded that with a bad performance can mean loss of a job that is a lot of pressure. I'm sure a lot of people who know me from work would be surprised by this attitude. They probably forgot last year I got very sick and because of the rules placed in, when I got sick and needed time off I couldn't take it because I would be in jeopardy of losing my job for absences. Right now I have to make sure to stay healthy because I have three more months before all of my probation is cleared up.

I put up with it because there isn't another job around, not something that would pay close enough to the money needed to survive. Sure, I could get a job at fast food or retail, but fast food won't pay the rent and if I can get a job in retail, what guarantee to I have the company will be around a year from now?

When I arrived here over two years ago there were want ads all over the place. When I lost the income that got me out here it was less than a month before I got the job I have. Now there aren't as many want ad signs, there aren't that many companies to begin with. On my route to work I see many business boarded up, many strip malls with lease signs.

It kills me because being a creative person this button down, chase the money attitude hurts me. Every day I feel a little more of myself dying. I build myself up, I try to do what I can and it does work on building up my resolve, but I'm getting tired.

We all have our own way of looking at this economy. In a sense, I've been through this before, so as much as I see pain in this, I know there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. I just hate that I have to survive rather than live life for the moment.