Last week I was going through a lot of physical struggles. I had a bad issue with carpel tunnel. By the end of the week I couldn’t move my fingers very well and I had to purchase a wrist brace. All sorts of dire options went through my head. I wondered if I could keep my job, considering the amount of typing I do. Every little difficulty was a precursor to some larger possible tragedy. Loss of sensation in my joints made me think I might lose an arm. There was a point where I felt like my face had paralysis and I was convinced I was having mini strokes.
I think I’ve gotten better. I almost have full function in my hand again. There’s some lingering tingling that has been slowly going down since this morning. I still have some control issues with my fingers so moving a mouse is a slight issue. Right now I still can’t write worth crap. I just can’t grip a writing instrument well. Typing is OK if I go slow enough. I think that’s due to my work keyboard because at home or on my laptop I do better.
This health scare, setback, whatever it is has me scared. With the health issues my parents have has the past few months, I’ve had to think a lot about what my later years might be. Now, I don’t see myself in some debilitating state, being fed from tubes or in some dementia state. That’s the doomsday, most pessimistic scenario someone can come up with. What I worry about are the little things, the simple stuff we like to call the dignity of life.
As usual, I wanted to take this writing in a whole other direction and I got so depressed and ashamed writing a lot of this down I deleted it. Sometimes I want to get very personal in these writings and when I share (some might say overshare) there will be the person who misses the whole point of what I’m putting down. Suddenly I’m a case study and someone feels their psych or social 101 class will have all the answers I need. Never mind that we haven’t had a one on one conversation for years, or that you haven’t picked up a phone or sent an email for decades. So when I want to delve into some heartfelt personal sharing I get the image of the helper who ultimately offers no help.
So I’m going to head to another direction.
The super computer is finished! Thursday, while in the middle of the carpel tunnel trauma, I got the computer built and running. It took a lot more hours than I expected but getting the device going was a proud moment for me. Considering the struggle I had put up with most of the week I needed a success, especially with something that had been an obstacle for a long time with me. I kind of got the system built with one hand tied behind my back.
The cooler moment was the next day when I got Star Citizen loaded and running for the first time. When I designed the computer I wanted something that could be cutting edge for years. From the overkill of memory to upping my budget for the CPU and video card, I allowed myself to spend a lot to get a lot.
I couldn’t believe the difference in performance between the systems. Star Citizen running on the old system was slow but I attributed that to my internet connection or other factors. I really didn’t have another system build to compare it to. The speed and movement on the rebuild is amazing. I really feel part of the action now. It’s easier to complete missions because the system can keep up. A simple relay repair could take 30 minutes by the time I launched, got to the satellite and maneuvered myself to do the repairs. Now I can get a repair mission done in less than 10 minutes. I’m having a lot more fun exploring the Star Citizen world on the computer build.